I moved to Austin a little over a year ago. I lived in Brooklyn for four years before Austin, and the suburbs of San Francisco my whole life before that. I’m 23.

You probably have your own preconceptions about Texas and they’re probably true. But Austin is different, it has a blue-state state of mind. There are a lot of bicycles and on all these bicycles are the hottest men and they all have beards! I don’t know when I became such a sucker for beards but all these men have thick, luscious beards and I don’t think I should find them so hot but I do, they are. 

I wasn’t very good at being poor in New York. I went into a bit of credit card debt and thought very seriously about shoplifting, thank god I moved before that became my reality. But in New York you need things. Coats, boots, delivery grocery service, booze, booze, booze, $10 packs of cigarettes, booze.

I’m figuring out being poor in Austin though. Here’s some lessons:

1. HEB brand Diet Cola and a handful of almonds will fill you up for about an hour. The soda is $2.50 for a 12 pack. Almonds are cheap in the bulk food area, especially if you tag them as a less expensive nut and go through the self check out. Don’t look at me like that.

2. You can’t find cheap weed so just give up and buy the expensive stuff. 

3. Go swimming all the time. Get tan. Tan people look thinner. I am not tan because I don’t like the sun shining directly on me and I burn very easily. There’s lots of free swimming places in Austin. 

4. Chuy’s happy hour: free queso bar with all you-can-eat chips/cheese/meat/beans. Add some guacamole and tortillas for like a dollar and make a taco! Get a beer or a margarita and you’ll be full and tipsy for five bucks. Tip your waitress, she’s one of us!

5. Gather up all the quarters that fell out jean pockets and onto the floor. Take them to the corner store. Buy a 40 of Miller Highlife. Sit on the porch with your best friend. You will know she’s your best friend because she’s not judging you.